STRESSES IN CHILD’S LIFE: DIVORCE
Many relationships end in separation and divorce, and it is inevitable that the children will be affected. A child’s response to divorce will depend on a number of factors, including his age, his cognitive and emotional maturity, the quality of the parental and family relationships before and immediately after the divorce, and especially the amount of tension and disagreement that exists between the parents after the separation.
Separation and divorce make for a stressful and even traumatic time for parents and children alike. Usually there has been a period of marital disharmony before the separation, so the actual event may come as a relief but it inevitably brings with it enormous emotional, domestic and often financial stress. Parents may have difficulty keeping themselves going during the ensuing turmoil, and worrying about the children is an additional and very considerable burden, whatever their age.
It is especially important for parents to mobilise family and friends for support during this time. This may include sharing some of the responsibility for childcare or housekeeping, as well as emotional support. Many parents find that professional counselling is invaluable. Your doctor or community nurse can recommend an appropriate counsellor.
Generally speaking, the better the parents cope with the traumas of the separation, the better the children will cope. Coping does not mean putting on a brave face and pretending that everything is all right when it is not. Sweeping problems under the carpet is never a good idea. Coping means facing up to the inevitable emotional and other turmoil that accompanies every divorce and separation.
For children of all ages, apart from the disruption of a stable family unit with its attendant routines, there is sometimes the additional stress of having to move house, change schools, make new friends, and participate in custody arrangements. Often there is a dramatic change in financial circumstances, so that children experience a sense of material deprivation as well.
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