SEXUALITY IN MARRIAGE: STUDIES ON CONVENTIONAL ADULTERY
Why do people seek sex outside of marriage? Edwards and Booth (1976a) looked for correlates of the frequency of extramarital involvement among a stratified probability sample of Toronto families among both subject-background variables and marital variables. Unlike previous research, they found no effects from education, occupation, employment of the wife, or religion. Age was the strongest predictor of the demographic variables, with reported involvement being greater among the younger members of the sample. The frequency of extramarital relations was related more to contextual variables in the marriage: the more negative was the perception of the marriage, the greater was the sexual deprivation in the marriage; as the latter increased, the more probable was extramarital sex to occur.
Although most of the studies in this area support the plausible expectation that having an unhappy marriage increases the probability of having an extramarital relationship, there still remains the observation by Tavris and Sadd, Hunt and others of a stable minority of happily married persons who have other sexual partners, some of them of long duration. This suggests that variables other than marriage rating are important in some cases. In looking at female extramarital coital behavior, Bell, Turner, and Rosen were able to identify four groups of women in their sample of 2,262, to show how ratings of the marriage interacted with sexual values to predict extramarital coitus. These groups were labeled Traditional, Modern, Uptight, and Experimenting, and were characterized respectively by the following combinations of marriage ratings and sexual values: high rating, conservative values; high rating, liberal values; low rating, conservative values; and low rating, liberal values. Examination of some aspects of life styles and sexual preferences of these groups led the authors to propose that the general set most predictive of a high rate of extramarital sex for women would be a low rating of their marriage with sexually liberal views and a liberal life style. The set most predictive of a low rate would include women with highly rated marriages and with sexually conservative views and conventional life styles.
Finally, Johnson examined sixty case histories from a Family Service Agency for actual reasons given by clients for engaging in sex outside of their marriages. As one would expect, they tended to blame the spouse. He or she was: physically handicapped, unfaithful, unloving, physically unattractive or unclean, absent, or an unwilling or uninterested sex partner. Murstein added other factors, including curiosity, need for variety, uncertainty about one’s sexuality, unusual opportunity, need for escape, fear of aging, and relative lack of inhibitions and guilt for unconventional behavior.
A number of writers on the subject have concluded that for many an extramarital experience or relationship can have beneficial effects on both the participant and her or his marriage. One of the strongest supporters of this view is Albert Ellis, who believes that adultery has its distinct advantages even in a society such as ours, which makes it difficult and hazardous. Ellis’s views include these benefits:
• Sexual variety. Humans have a biological need for sexual variety. With the emergence of alternative marriage forms and more liberal values, more people will meet their needs for sexual variety in non-monogamous activities.
• Desire for freedom. Marriage can be confining and boring, and outside affairs can add to a feeling of freedom by breaking up the routine.
• Frustration reduction. “Exclusive” marriage leads to the limiting of one’s experiences and to frustration when sexual appetites differ. Affairs can drain off these frustrations and help the person to cope with marital problems better.
• Improved marriages. Clinical evidence suggests to Ellis that married people are less resentful and more open with each other after an affair. Sex may improve because of increased knowledge and/or greater appreciation of the partner.
Ellis would like to see the removal of legal and social sanctions against adultery, the encouragement of open marriage, and moves toward educating people to cope better with feelings of jealousy and other emotional problems that accompany adultery today.
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